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WHAT BELIEFS ARE HOLDING YOU BACK? WHAT IF THEY ARE NOT TRUE AT ALL?

WHAT BELIEFS ARE HOLDING YOU BACK? WHAT IF THEY ARE NOT TRUE AT ALL?

Many people are not disabled physically, but I see how many of them disable themselves by living in the limiting beliefs of what’s possible, and what they’re capable of. 19 years ago, while I was in a recovery process after the life-altering car accident, I realized one thing that totally transformed the way I began seeing my physical limitations and, and that was the beginning of claiming back my independence and life’s recovery. I want to pass it on to you, so you too, could take a deep breath and spread your wings to the life that you meant to live.

When I fully realized that I no longer had my legs and my left arm was paralyzed with no chance to recover, I was devastated beyond my ability to describe it. It was pure unspeakable anguish and hopelessness. I just couldn’t see how I would be able to live without legs and only one arm. I had many questions about how I was going to take care of myself on a daily basis and live fully. There was one answer – I can’t do it anymore. My mom was helping me to get up, dress up, make a meal and basically, she had to help with everything. I can’t even describe how much I hated to be dependent on another person! But it seemed like this would be my reality for the rest of my life. There was no other way.

Six months after the crash, my mom and I stayed in the Orthopedic Rehabilitation Center to obtain artificial legs for me. I was told that it was impossible for me to walk due to my complicated physical condition. But I believed I would. In fact, I was confident without a doubt that I would. To the astonishment of those who considered it to be impossible I did walk, indeed. One day, as I was resting after my training, I suddenly realized, “Wait a minute. Why am I still asking mom to help me get up? It’s ridiculous – I can do such a difficult thing like walking with prostheses, but I still have my mom helping me with simple daily activities!”

See, in my mind (as well as my mom’s), there was a mindset that without legs and only one arm I was no longer able to do things, so I had to be helped. Now that I had achieved something that professional specialists stated to be impossible, there was a big question mark in my mind about what I was really capable of. Suddenly I realized that my limitations were only in my mind, in my beliefs. I was fully aware that I could do much more than what it seemed at first and I decided to push my limits. That day I declared my independence stating, “Yes, I can do it. I will figure out how to do everything on my own and will become fully self-sufficient.”

From then on, I started looking for ways to do everything on my own. First of all, the goal was to find a way to sit up by myself from a lying position, and with the help of a physical therapist, we found a way.  I began figuring out ways of dressing up independently and performing various daily activities by myself. I didn’t allow myself to think whether I could or could not. My new mindset was – I can without a doubt, I only need to find a way how to do it. Instead of saying to myself, “I am disabled and I can’t do this anymore,” I would say, “Yes, I can and I will find a way to do this.”  I began changing how I speak by eliminating phrases – “I can’t” or “IF I can”. I began refusing to receive any help from my mom (which was not easy for her to accept J ), and I gave myself no other option but to get it done without any help.  When I needed to do something with one hand, holding on to the belief – I can and I will – I asked myself, “HOW can I do this? What is the way? What possible options are there to resolve this?” As simple as it seems, this is the key to how I am able to do things independently. Changing my mindset and asking myself the right questions are the keys to how I managed many of my difficulties in life and overcame all obstacles.

As I look back, changing my way of thinking was one of my biggest breakthroughs which empowered me tremendously and opened the doors to new opportunities.

Since that time, when my limiting beliefs of what I could do and what I thought was possible was replaced by new beliefs, and I began mastering my way of thinking, the restoration of my independence and my life has taken to a whole new level. A few years later, I traveled by myself from Lithuania to the United States to pursue my dream. Now it’s been 14 years that I live across the globe from my family, fully independently (I can take care of all my personal needs, take care of the household matters, laundry, shopping, cooking, going to work, etc.) My physical limitations are still the same BUT BREAKING LIMITATIONS IN MY MIND, IN MY BELIEFS totally transformed what I was able to achieve, and ultimately directed my destiny in a way that is beyond I could ever even dream of.

And what about you? I urge you to look inside yourself and test your deep beliefs. What do you believe and what are you convinced about that it may not be true at all, and this only stops you from trying, from achieving what your heart desires? What belief is holding you back from fulfilling your purpose? As long as you are convinced that something is impossible or that things will not work out for you, it really will be true. But this remains true only as long as you hold on to this belief.

Break through the beliefs that keep you locked in a cage. Do not allow your limiting beliefs to steal the life from you that you are called to live. In your life, there is much more that you can do, fulfill and enjoy!

How to change your beliefs and to do what you thought you couldn’t do? I will share in the next post. Blessings to you, until next time!

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Posted by on August 27, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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My Book “UNSTOPPABLE. It’s a Choice” published

Greetings Friends,

I know I did not post anything for a while. It has been an extremely busy time lately. There are many changes! Before I continue, I want to announce that I moved my blog to my new website http://becomingunstoppable.org

I encourage you to go to the website and subscribe there, so you receive my blog messages and updates. I probably will be discontinuing blog here, so visit my new website and subscribe, so we can continue the journey together.

There you will find Blog as well as videos from my interviews and speaking events, information about the book, photos, and information about public speaking and coaching services I offer.

In my Blog, I will share messages of inspiration, faith and some self-management tools that will strengthen your faith, empower you to handle your own challenges and will equip you to break through the obstacles, while you are in the process of creating the life you are longing to live.

In the Menu, you will see the Blog tab, which separates into two separate categories – Faith & Stories of Answered Prayers and Self Management /Life Coaching.

picture with the book

 

The great news is that my book ‘Unstoppable. It’s a Choice’ is now PUBLISHED! I began receiving feedback and reviews from readers. Friends, I don’t know if I am still dreaming or is it really true that my manuscript is an actual book. I must tell you that my road to this moment was long and even painful at times. My seven-year writing journey began when my brother’s cry for help reached me.

In April of 2007, I received a text message from my brother, which shook me to the core of my being. It was very disturbing. I knew something really bad had happened. As I was wondering what I could do to help him, a clear thought came to me “Write him a letter.” It was an inspiration/direction that I needed to write him about my own recovery after the car accident; write about the source of my inner strength and tenacity, how I was able to not give up no matter how hopeless it seemed, and what was behind my successful achievement of goals that others claimed to be impossible. Even though my brother was by my side for many years and watched me making decisions and working toward my goals, he never knew the reasons behind my relentless perseverance, which ultimately brought me to the life that seemed impossible to ever attain. And now, I was inspired to tell it all to help my brother not to give up and recover from his own adversity.

I never considered I could write well. But my love for my brother and urging feeling that I needed to do that won my insecurity. So I got on my computer and wrote him a long open conversation from my heart. My brother responded very positively to my offer to write him letters and asked me to keep writing. So I did. After a while, brother opened up to me that he was in such dark hopeless place that he didn’t see the way out. Even thoughts of suicide began coming to him with persistence. But now, he got out of hopelessness and had the hope and direction in life. “My little son still has his daddy alive because of your letters, Inga. Continue writing and publish a book to help other people,” he added.

I never thought I could write a book. But, I decided to write and publish it, just as brother encouraged me. I believed if this saves the life of at least one more person, if it makes a difference to someone else, it will be all worth it. I did not have the editor nor did I have the money to publish it. But, I believed it all would come when it’s time to publish it; I just needed to do the work – write it. So, I began working on it using every free time-frame to write. There were many difficulties and obstacles to complete this book and publish it. It was a long seven-year consistent and relentless work to bring this book into existence.  And indeed, when the manuscript for the book was complete, everything necessary for the book to be published came – everything came at the same time. It’s just incredible how the Lord provided!

It turned out that when I was ready to edit the manuscript and was wondering where I could find a good professional editor, at that time the company where I work at as a Public Relations person, hired a temporary contractor for certain project. And, to my surprise, Bob was a seasoned professional editor and has worked with the former President of the U.S. and other known public figures and companies. Shortly after his arrival, Bob agreed to edit my book once the funds arrive.

I needed $10.000 to cover editing and publishing expenses, and I had no idea where I could get the funds from. So, in my prayer I brought my need before the Lord, asking Him to help me with funding if it’s the right time for me to publish this book. Few weeks since the prayer, I met for lunch with an acquaintance of mine, who after hearing my updates on the book, a week later handed me an envelope with a check for $10.000 saying “I know this money belongs to your Unstoppable. Go ahead, edit it and publish it to bring it to the world.”

The Lord doesn’t stop astounding me! And, He showed it again – all things are possible for Him. Circumstances, money, people’s hearts… everything is in God’s hands. What is required of us is obedience to His voice and faithfulness to the work that He entrusts us to do. And the rest… whatever seems impossible becomes very possible when the Lord provides.
I put all my heart into this work. I wrote it with love and much care, revealing my true story. Beginning with the story of my car crash, I share how difficult the recovery process was after losing my legs and the use of my left arm. I share what gave me hope and determination to restore my life. Going against circumstances and opinions of others, I aimed for goals that seemed beyond my grasp. Finally, I traveled independently from Europe to the U.S. to implement my dream. The narrative is intertwined with a love story that brought me even more emotional anguish than the car accident. At that point, I felt totally broken and no longer had I the strength or desire to fight for my life. But, I had to ask myself whether I was going to allow other people’s choices to break me and my destiny. I made the choice to get up and continue on. With the Lord’s help, I picked myself up, returned to the US and continued pursuing the life I desired to live.

While I was writing this book, I saw how my decisions not to give up and be unstoppable in my pursuit totally transformed those tragedies and hardships that I faced. It really shows that it’s not what happens to us and not other people’s choices determine our future, but our decision what we’re going to do with it all that ultimately determines our destiny. The entire book shows the power of our decisions that are made by us, once we stand at the crossroads of a choice.

The book includes my real letters to my bother, which are written in a coaching style. So while sharing my story, I coach the reader, who is facing any type of difficulties and desires to improve his or her life.

Be it a life-altering adversity in your life, or this monster called depression, obstacles that make your goals hard to reach, bad decisions in the past or any hardships that you face, reading the book you will find a roadmap how to trust the Lord in the midst of troubles, how to overcome depression and thrive again, how to break through hardships, overcome obstacles and achieve any goals, ultimately creating the life you desire.

My hope and aim for this book are to inspire, encourage, ignite faith, and give practical knowledge that will equip the reader to overcome and succeed.

Some of the reviews can be found on my website http://becomingunstoppable.org/about-the-book/reviews/
The book is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, GoodReads.

 

Now that my book is published, I follow my calling and purpose to fulfill my promise to God which I made 17 years ago, and reach out my hand to those who are struggling and going through hardships, who desire to improve their lives but don’t know how, who experienced adversity and need to recover from pain and continue on.

I and my friend and Associate Anzhelika Polyak (another Lithuanian, whom I met in San Francisco in one of the events where I was a guest speaker at the Christian Church)  are establishing a company ‘Becoming Unstoppable’, which has a mission to make a difference in people’s lives by bringing the message of hope, sharing a personal testimony of the living God’s power to restore the broken and turn the impossible into possible. Along with the message about faith, Becoming Unstoppable shares practical guidance and self-management strategies/tools to empower people to keep on going and break through any circumstances to create the lives they’re longing to have.

Since my car accident, I have done a number of public speaking engagements and interviews in Lithuania and in the United States for TV programs, radio and publications for inspirational purposes and I am looking forward to continuing sharing my message.

If you would be interested in having me as a guest speaker, please connect with me.

I can be reached via Admin@BecomingUnstoppable.org, or my information can be found on the website www.BecomingUnstoppable.org

 

These are my updates. I hope, reading my message you were encouraged.

By for now, hope to see you on the Becoming Unstoppable!

 

Inga

 

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How to be Resilient, How to Recover from the Adversity? Step 3. Your Focus.

How to be Resilient, How to Recover from the Adversity? Step 3. Your Focus.

Focus on what you have and what you can do. Focus on the solution, not the problem.

After the affliction or generally during hardships, it is crucial to be aware of your thought patterns, what you are focused on. Naturally, we grieve and are longing for that which was lost. And yes, we do need that time to grieve. It is important though not to stay there longer than we need. At some point, it’s imperative for the focus to be shifted away from the tragedy to the newness, from the problem to the solution, from the limitations to abilities and opportunities. What you focus on will have a significant impact on your journey to recovery.

While we’re going through a hardship, normally we don’t think about what’s far ahead because we are focused on what’s going on at the moment, how we feel at that time. Would you agree that naturally, we think about the problem, often focused on analyzing how difficult it is rather on our ultimate destination?

But it is imperative to keep our ultimate destination in mind, not the problem. How many times have you heard sayings like, “I got bombarded by so many problems that I didn’t have the energy to continue,” or, “The challenges I encountered were too much to bear,” or, “I got so tired that I just couldn’t do this anymore.” And you find out that they gave up on something they were just recently passionate about. There might be different reasons why they gave up on their pursuit, but overall it all comes to the same point: their difficulty overpowered them. For the most part – because they put so much attention to how difficult it was – more attention was paid to the challenge than on the ultimate goal. When we face any difficult situation, what will determine what’s next is:

  • How you are going to look at the situation (choosing the perspective),
  • What you are going to focus on, and,
  • What you are going to do about it.

I believe putting your focus on the wrong aspect of the situation is one of the fastest roads toward failure. It’s very easy to give up when you focus on the obstacle or difficulty you are facing. Why? I am sure you have noticed in your life – the more you think about the bad situation and how difficult and painful it is, the worse it seems. Negative thoughts become more and more dominant and darker, and your problem snowballs into something bigger and more challenging. It reaches the point to where it seems irresolvable and you might say to yourself, “I can’t do this.” And here you are, you have arrived at a different destination that you first intended to.

I want to share an excerpt from my upcoming book “Unstoppable. It’s a Choice”, one of those special moments that set a direction of my journey of recovery.

“I don’t remember exactly when this happened, but it was soon after this marveling revelation. One day my mom and I were walking outside enjoying the beautiful spring day and we saw a young guy in an electric wheelchair, sitting alone, enjoying the weather as we were. We walked up to him to chat. He was approximately my age and he was completely paralyzed up to his neck. He was not able to use his legs or his arms and he had a hard time speaking. Like mine, his life had changed in a heartbeat when he got beaten up by a gang, resulting in total and permanent paralysis. This young and handsome guy was sitting in a wheelchair with no ability to move his body, even having difficulty speaking. Were that not enough, his family had abandoned him, forcing him to stay at various Rehab Centers and nursing homes, all the while being taken care of by strangers. As he was sharing his story, a thought came to my mind “See? You could’ve been in his place. That is what Rose was talking about.”

That moment it seemed as though the entire world has stopped. Suddenly, the astonishment of my new revelation of how well it ended for me overshadowed the horror of my loss. “I am so blessed! In addition to the miracle of not breaking my neck, though I had a strong head injury, I can think clearly, I can express myself easily, and I can move!”

I wanted to shout out with happiness. It seemed like my eyes were opened and I saw with clarity how fortunate I was. While talking with the young man, my mind was captured by the astonishing facts of my blessings. All I felt was gratitude. After we ended our conversation, my mom and I continued walking toward the lake. I was completely astounded with what I had just realized.

“Wait a minute,” I thought. “I have a clear mind and I can communicate. And while I do not remember many things due to the brain injury, I can think and express myself the way I did prior to the accident. I still have my right arm functioning. What if I still can be independent? I could learn how to do things with one arm, and then I could take care of myself independently. I can move my body freely, so I will walk again wearing prosthetic legs. I won’t really have to depend on others. My body is not the same anymore, but I am still able to use what I have left. I will do everything in a way that I can. The important part is that I can! I am blessed that it ended the way it did. I will come back to life.”

I was so consumed by my sudden realization that I didn’t hear what mom was saying. And as I was having this inner dialogue, I felt how everything was changing within the core of my being, specifically in what I noticed and how I perceived my situation. Instead of looking at my losses and limitations, I saw how much I actually was able to do.

Instead of despair, I felt enlightenment. It felt as though with every breath, I was gaining the hope that I would have a way out of this hopeless place in my life. As I was being rolled in the wheelchair through the forest, in my mind I was building a strategic plan to end this rolling in the wheelchair business to bring myself back to life. “

The time in a Rehab Center was the most painful and difficult time I can remember. But, it was a pivotal time.  The realization that I have so much to be thankful and how much I was able to do, transformed the way I saw my new life and the way I felt about it. I understood that my life experience will greatly depend on what I focus on. Since then, I began changing my thinking.

Instead of thinking that I no longer was able to do something because I did not have my legs and could not use my left arm, I looked from a different angle – I can think clearly, I can move my body and I still can use my right arm – there must be a way for me to be self-sufficient, how can I use what I have to achieve what I desire? I focused on the opportunities and possibilities rather than what was destroyed in my life and how many doors were shut because of my physical limitations. Instead of dwelling on how I no longer could go out of my home and do the work that I used to be able to, I looked from a different angle – what are the possibilities for me to go out of my home, how could I manage things independently, and what kind of work I could do in my situation? And then, while focusing on my abilities and opportunities, I was seeking for the solution to build my future rather than dwelling on the problem and grieving about what’s no longer there.

Imagine a race with hurdles. When an athlete runs close to the hurdle (obstacle), he jumps over it and continues to run. When he gets close to the next hurdle – he overcomes this as well and races until he reaches the finish line. The interesting thing is that while the runner sees every hurdle ahead, his eyes are not on the next hurdle, but where the finish line is. His focus is the destination, not obstacles on the way. I know this because I used to be an athletic runner when I was a teenager. We were taught not to focus on the hurdle, but always to focus ahead where the race was ending. Why? Focusing on the hurdle most of the time resulted in the failure to overcome it, and the chances of winning were reduced. The major focus was the final destination; hurdles were just obstacles along the way which we needed to overcome and continue on running no matter what until we reached the finish line.

That’s the mindset I had when aiming for my goal. My eyes were set on my ultimate goal where I was going, and difficulties were something I needed to overcome so I could continue my race until I reach my final destination. Obstacles are there to be overcome, and not something that could stop me.

Now I see that I unconsciously had the same thought pattern every time:

  • During difficult times, I never focused on hardships, no matter how difficult or painful they were.
  • My mental eyes were always directed toward my final destination.
  • The immediate focus was on the work I had to do to attain my goal.

It’s one of the most important key points in self-management that played a major role in my ability to break through the obstacles or handle hardships when it felt unbearable.

Now, after a while, I can see that such mindset, by concentrating not on the problem but on its solution, strongly and consistently moved me forward. Managing my focus empowered me to aim and achieve goals that others said were unattainable for me. And then, this skill empowered me to move across the globe from my family and establish my life in the United States even though at the time of my decision I had no place to live, no work, not a lot of money, and even no right to live and work in America.

If I had looked at those challenging situations as if they were insolvable problems and focused on how difficult it was, I know I would have been stuck and it would have taken much longer to achieve my goals. In fact, most likely I would not have reached them at all. If I had focused on my limitations, what I have lost and what I could not do anymore, my life would be miserable. In comparison, focusing on my abilities and opportunities and solutions empowered me to attain life’s transformation.

When facing a difficult situation, instead of being worried or stressed out about the problem, begin immediately to focus on the solution. And then, make every effort to solve the problem the best way you can.

In my next message, I will share how to focus on the solution and how to find it.

Meanwhile, be Unstoppable. It’s a Choice.

Inga

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My Interview on the Radio Show “Magnificent Mind” with Steven Campbell

Happy New Year to you! I hope and wish that this year has started well for you.

As the new year just stepped in into my life, today I had a pleasure to be the guest speaker on the Radio show with Steven Campbell on KOWS 107.3 FM (Sonoma County, California)

A lot of times I get asked “What helped you overcome your tragedy?”, “Where do you get the strength and tenacity?”In this interview I answer those questions and share some practical tools, which will empower you to break through difficult times.

Here is the link to the audio of the interview.

Enjoy it, I hope you will find something that you can apply in your life.

Make 2016 to be your outstanding year!

Be strong. Be Determined and Persistent. Be Unstoppable.

Till next time 🙂

Inga

 

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My interview on the Radio Show “Making your Mind Magnificent” with Steven Campbell

Depending on where you are – Good evening or good morning to you,

I wanted to let you know that this Wednesday, December 16th at 9:30 am -11 am PST I will be having an interview on the Radio with Steven Campbell. For Sonoma County (California)  residents, It’s on KOWS 107.3 FM, or you can listen online http://kows107-3.org/listen/

After hearing my story, Steven invited me to be on his show. The topic is “Making your Mind Magnificent”. I will be talking about the Self-Management aspect of how managing my mind empowered me to overcome obstacles after losing my both legs and the use of one arm. I will also share some practical tools that empowers me on a daily basis to take care of things independently despite my physical challenges. A lot of times people ask me “Inga how do you do it…all by yourself being in such physical condition?” On this program I will answer that question. 

In case you will miss it, here is the link to his archived talks, where you will find a recording of it.

http://www.stevenrcampbell.com/radio-show/past-shows/

Steven has pretty interesting Radio talks; browse it, you might find some interesting talk shows.

I hope this will inspire you and will give you some practical tools that you can use when facing difficulties. Tune in!

Blessings, and till the next time!

Inga

 

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Feel defeated by problems and failed from past mistakes? Turn this around and make your experience work for you.

Happy New Year to you! I hope you enjoyed the beautiful Holiday Season, sharing your time with family and loved ones. And now, it’s a new year. It’s a new beginning. I noticed that in December more people have subscribed to my Blog. You made me smile, and I thank you for that!

As we all start a new year, many of us take the time to see what kind of year it was for us, and then we make new resolutions for the new year. This time I am inspired to write an article about how to deal with past mistakes or failure to achieve goals in a way that will empower you, instead drowning into gloomy feeling of failure and regret. Usually, among all the goodness and joy of success, life also has storms, and I want to share something that will empower you, if you did have some problems and failure to meet your goals successfully. Also, I want to share a resource about goals that will give you some ideas and insights how to actually achieve your goals and implement your New Year resolutions. This is a video with Michael Hyatt. I personally found this video very valuable, and you will see the link to it at the end.

But before looking into new goals and new resolutions, I wanted to share what I call a Self-Management tool that has greatly empowered me in my own journey. Every one of us go through trials, difficulties and we don’t always achieve all of our goals. Normally, looking back into difficult situations or goals that we wished to achieve but for whatever reason we didn’t, doesn’t make us feel good, right? 🙂 It may make us feel disappointed, upset, sad, failed and similar. Well, there is something you can do to turn this around. You still can feel the progress and and find the value when you look at your problems and failure to implement your goals. It is important because not having control over your own thoughts and feelings about your past mistakes makes a big impact on your esteem and confidence, which automatically affects your decisions and actions in the future. It all ties up in one unit. Our successful or not successful results greatly depend on our inner state. It is just one of the many key components, but is a critical one.

Normally, difficulties bring up negative emotions. Failure to achieve goals cause pain as well. But here is the trick: you will feel negative about it all only if you look at it from a perspective that makes you focus on the pain, hardship, failure and defeat. What if you look at it from a different perspective? Every situation has two sides of the coin –  good and bad.  You already know what the bad side looks like, and dwelling on it will only make you miserable. So, instead of focusing on the hardship and pain, asking yourself questions that bring even more pain, shift your focus on the other side – what is the value of it all?  Instead of dwelling on the fact that you did not achieve what you were aiming for or blaming yourself for making poor choices and wrong decisions, ask yourself questions, which will deliver answers that will  show you the value in all that had happened. Look at the good side of the coin and spend more time analyzing that side. You will be surprised what you will see! You will  see very valuable lessons in those situations. You will know what Not to do and what you can do better next time. You will have valuable insights. You will see what Lord was doing with your heart behind those difficult circumstances. You will learn something new about yourself. You will see testimonies of the power of prayer and unshakable faith. You will see a lot of good in all those problems and not achieving goals. I personally don’t even regret about tough times, because I see a great value in it all. I would not like to repeat it, but I honestly am glad I have gone through it and would not trade it now, because I see a lot of lessons that will greatly benefit me in the future.

So how to turn this around? First of all, ask yourself a question that will deliver you the answers that will empower you instead of the answers that will make you dive in to sadness and defeat. Ask yourself questions that will make you see the value in your experience, will equip you with lessons for the future and will give you direction what you can do to improve your circumstances and your strategy to implement your vision.

If you had made poor decisions or faced some tough problems, some of the questions you can ask yourself:

“What am I supposed to learn from this?”

“What insight does it bring to me?”

“What have I learned from this particular situation, which I would not have learned otherwise?”

“What purpose does this have in my journey?”

“What conclusions and lessons am I getting, so I know how to do better in the future?”

If you miss your goal and did not get to implement your vision, you may ask yourself:

“What can I learn from this?”

“What held me back from achieving it?”

“What do I need to change in order to get it this time?”

“What skills or knowledge do I need to acquire?”

“What can I extract from this experience that is beneficial for my future efforts to achieve my goal?”

Asking the right question will bring your attention to the value instead of the failure. Then, be in charge of your Focus. You will see that, which you choose to focus on. Are you going to focus on your poor choices and blame yourself for it, or are you going to focus on the lesson and the value this situation has brought into your life? Are you going to focus on the fact that you missed your goal and feel like a failure, or are you going to focus on the lesson and insights that you have extracted and will be determined to get it this time? This internal process will have a great impact on your inner state and your future decisions.

I am not saying we should neglect poor decisions and just be “positive“, pretending that everything is fine, no.  It is necessary to face the truth, but the purpose of it is to learn and see where we need to make changes, instead of blaming ourselves and feeling bad about it all. Make yourself a rule – the only reason for me to look back to my mistakes, wrong choices or not achieved goals is to seek for value in it.  It may sound like a cliche and too simple for it to do some big change. But please trust me, applying this simple rule will make a significant change in your life.

So, by equipping yourself with learned lessons from your mistakes and by extracting from them insights, empowering conclusions, understanding and new inspirations, you will grow. You will see that problems and tough circumstances can strengthen you. Mistakes can make you wiser and more insightful. All difficulties and mistakes can work for you, if you choose them to play this role for you.

And now, leaving mistakes, regret and pain behind, enter your new year with all valuable insights and lessons that you extracted from difficult situations and circumstances. At this point, you are stronger, wiser and better equipped to conquer your future challenges. This new year you will do better, because you have learned what Not to do and What you can do better. As you are starting your new year, imagine you just opened a new chapter of your life book, where you will write countless incredible testimonies of God’s love and help, new exciting changes, implemented goals and joyous experiences.

And here is the video about designing your 2015 by setting and achieving your goals. I found this video very inspiring and instructional. It has a lot of great insights and ideas how to set and successfully achieve your goals. Click on the link below:

http://resolutions.bestyearever.me/

Hope this brought you some value and empowered you to shake off the dust and set yourself up to win the game! Make your year of 2015 a significant one!

If you have other ways that empower you to deal with past mistakes, please post it below to share it with the rest of us. If you want to reach me personally, please feel free to email me at inga_unstoppable@outlook.com

May God bless you in your journey to have continued success!

Be Strong.  Be Determined and Persistent. Be Unstoppable.

Yours truly, Inga 🙂

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How to be Thankful when you Don’t Feel Like it?

How are you doing this Holiday season? I hope my message reaches you doing well. When I was recently invited to be a Guest speaker for the Thanksgiving season, it was interesting for me to find out that the reason I was chosen to come speak for this occasion was the same reason why I was invited last year by another group to come speak for their Thanksgiving celebration – they  wanted to know how I can be positive and thankful on a daily basis while dealing with pretty severe challenges having no legs and one arm. This inspired me to write a message about it on a blog.

During Thanksgiving we take a moment to think about what we’re most grateful for. It is a tradition on a Thanksgiving Day for a family to get together around a table, sharing what they are thankful for and having delicious food. On that day it feels like the atmosphere changes in the air, because on that day people make an effort to remember what they are thankful for, counting their blessings instead of problems. And then what happens? Another tradition is right at the end of that day – a famous Black Friday! On the very next day, and even that same night a thanksgiving mood and feeling of gratitude is often overshadowed by constant question on where to get the best deals, worries, stress, anxiety, full schedules and concern trying to find Christmas gifts and getting ready for Holidays.  Our focus is shifted into many other directions. Very soon we go back to our normal routine, and appreciation and gratitude of Thanksgiving Day is left behind. When we dive in back to our routine, facing problems and challenges coming our way, it is not always easy to feel a sincere gratitude, is it? Often times various events, people or situations that show up in our lives overshadows our joy and understanding how really blessed we are. It’s hard to feel gratitude when we have roaring storms around us.

 What can steal our gratitude? Usually it will be either some events that negatively impacted our life, bad circumstances or other people  that affect us in some negative ways. I sometimes hear people say to me “Well yeah, I am thankful for my life and what I have, but…” and then follows the complaint. Watching that person continue the thought, it looks like this thing that he complains about over-weighs all that he said he was grateful for. Can you relate to that at times? Before the car accident I definitely could. In fact, I did not even look into my life from a perspective of “What am I grateful for?” I never really thought of things that I was thankful for. I considered that my vibrant health, my physical looks, what I had and what I could do was supposed to be like it was.  It was just normal to me and it didn’t even occur to me that I could lose it all in one moment. Having all I wanted, I still would find various things that I was not happy about and constantly was sad about something. Now, even though I am missing nearly half of my body, I am very grateful for so many things that it overshadows my pain and  the loss I had in my life. I very rarely have “bad mood”.

How can this be?

First of all, my inner joy, hope, peace, endurance and inner strength comes from Christ. I receive it in a prayer and through faith. The Lord is my Rock and He is my main source of inner qualities that are so important to have. I always know that all things work together for good in my life. I feel thankful even for difficult situations, because I know they are going to work for my benefit in some ways. And I always smile when I see that it was truly for my benefit. I spoke about it last year when I was invited as a Guest speaker for Thanksgiving Celebration at Melhizedek Church in Sacramento, CA.  You are welcome to listen to the audio of it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McDj7vHYBxc

There was a time in my life when I realized that in addition to that incredible inner joy that can be received from Jesus Christ in a prayer, the peace of God that surpasses all understanding and His blessing on a daily basis, my experience in life greatly depends on how well I manage myself.

In addition to what I receive from God and my faith, I do work on myself. I believe one of the greatest favors a person can do for himself is learn to manage his own inner state. It is much easier to handle difficulties when we know how to choose our response in a way that will empower us to make the right decision what we are going to do next. Gratitude becomes a normal daily inner state when we know how to get it and how to manage our own feelings. We can have a positive attitude at all times when we know what creates it and how we can maintain it regardless of what’s going on around.

My biggest and probably one of the most significant eye openings was when I realized that my experience about one or another event depends on how I choose to look at it.  In one of my blogs earlier, I shared about how our perspective about events determine our response and decision what we are going to do next. (https://ingalizdenyte.me/2014/04/20/self-management-how-perspective-affects-our-inner-state-and-decisions/An event is a plain fact, and your own choice of perspective will give the color, feelings and emotions to that event. I know, a lot of times it is hard to consciously choose perspective, especially when it comes to dealing with people who hurt you. Our life experience can be very bitter only because of other people’s attitude toward you, their words and actions that hurt you. There is a way to deal with it. But today I want to take an overall look about managing yourself, so you do feel grateful even if the storms of life a roaring around.

What is gratitude, thankfulness, appreciation or joy? All these are feelings, right? Sadness or worry are feelings as well. What does create either of those feelings? You. How? By thinking in a certain way. It is not the event and it is not people who make you feel in a particular way, but your interpretation and your focus. It is you who creates your own feelings. Your feelings follow your thoughts, or in other words your feelings depend on your thoughts. You feel excitement when you think of things that excite you and you feel upset when you think of what’s bad and hurtful, right?  You won’t be able get  into a depression if you focus on things that make you excited or on new opportunities or when you  feel gratitude about where you are in life. Same way, you may lose your inner peace that you received in a prayer if you start focusing on things that worry or frustrates you. You may lose your inner joy if you constantly think about that, which irritates and angers you. You give the direction to how you feel by choosing what you think about.

Your daily experience will be much different when you fully understand that your feelings are created by your own thoughts, and you are in full control of your own thoughts.

Yes, you can choose how you feel by choosing what you think. You can put yourself into anger by thinking about things that make you angry and make yourself feel uplifted by choosing to think what’s good in your life. I am sure you experienced numerous times this: when you wake up first thing in the morning, you feel peaceful and good. But then, when you are fully awake and remember some negative situation, your joy disappears. Then you start analyzing it and slowly but surely you start feeling irritated and not feeling too happy. It’s what many people call a “bad mood”. And you remain in a bad mood as long as you keep in mind your bad situation. Then, let’s say you have some unexpected pleasant surprise. What happens then? You immediately get excited and joyous, right? Pleasant surprise creates positive feelings and you feel great because this surprise took your focus away from the bad situation and shifted it to a pleasant one. Here is the trick: you will feel great as long as you will be focused on the pleasant surprise and beautiful experience it has created for you. But as soon as you go back into analyzing and thinking about that bad situation that you were thinking about in the morning, you will go back into your “bad mood”. Learn to control where your mind goes. It may not be easy at first. But just try deliberately choose what you think about. When you see that your mind wanders around and leans toward that which saddens, frustrates or makes you feel in any negative way – stop it and redirect it toward that which will be pleasant, lovely, hopeful, empowering or exciting. It will get easier with practice, just as everything else. Discipline is like a muscle.

Of course there are times when we might not see any light and not even hope to see the light. It’s hard to be positive when we are in difficult circumstances and have difficult problems or if we are in pain. But we still can be in charge of how we feel. You know what helped me to hold on in my most difficult times? Focus on the beautiful that I had and gratitude for it all. Trust me, it was really difficult, because at times it seemed like my life was filled only with the continuous loss, immense pain and dark despair. A lot of times it felt simply unendurable.  I was left with nothing to hold on to and there was no hope for a change. There was nothing that could make me feel better. Physical pain could be numbed by medicine, but emotional pain not. Still, there were times when after surgeries even morphine would not affect my pain and I was left to  suffer with no way to ease the pain. When I was barely holding myself from literally crying out loud from pain and despair, that’s exactly what I did to hold myself together – I searched for things I was thankful for. In my mind I was thanking God for saving my life, for my family, for friends who did not leave me, for the love and care that I was surrounded with. I thanked the Lord for I had my right hand and I could move my body. I thanked my God for those little opportunities even though they didn’t seem very promising. But I thanked anyway. Gratitude for what I already had and hope is what helped me to endure the times when I didn’t see the end of despair and agony. My endurance came from hope that this shall pass and God will deliver me out of this despair and it will get better. And I never let it go. Interestingly, the more I focused on what I was grateful for, the better I felt. The more I focused on what I was able to do, the more I could do. The more I focused on what I liked about a person, the better relationship I had with that person. The more I thought of how thankful I was for the opportunity, circumstances were changing into my favor. I don’t know the mystery of gratitude, but what I do know is that gratitude is very powerful.

The more you focus on what you are grateful for, the more uplifted you will feel. In fact, I found that gratitude is a very powerful tool to change how you feel. You might say “How can I feel grateful if I am  surrounded by so many problems and circumstances that just have no positive solution?”  In reality, you have so much to be grateful for. But you will not notice that if you are going to be focused on what’s not good in your life. It may seem to you that you have only bad things happening in your life right now and there is no way you can find something to be grateful for. But you relax…take a deep breath and think for a moment… Let’s go through simple things. You have what to eat and nurture your body. Maybe you didn’t like the dinner that much today, but you are not one of the starving ones, who wish to have at least a bite to kill the hunger. Instead of walking in the streets and pushing a shopping cart with all your belongings looking for a safe corner or a homeless shelter, you have a home where is warm and your soft bed with many pillows..   You are healthy. You have all parts of your body and you function well. How would you feel if you lost it? If you do have some physical challenges, do you know how many people are in much worse position than you are? You are not doing that bad after all, right? You have family that loves you and cares about you. You have friends that love and care about you… What your life would be like if you lost those who love you and you were absolutely lonely in this world?  So many times you could have gotten in a horrible car crash, but you survived and in fact you were not even injured. You wouldn’t want to appear in my position, would you? Look. You truly have what you can be grateful for.

The question is what you focus on.

 I want to share with you a very interesting experience that made a major shift in my life. I remember  or very well this special moment that was like a turning point in my life. I think it was about  7 or 8 years ago. At the time I recently moved to the United States. I lived in a beautiful land of sunshine California, but I felt very unhappy. Everything in my life seemed dreary, cold and dark. I did not feel happy nor was I even pleased with my life. I was on the bus going home from work. I did not want to go home. I did not want to see anyone and I did not want to do anything. I just felt empty and depressed. As I was driving and looking through the window, black thoughts were bombarding my mind. I did not see even one reason why I could feel happy or at least at ease. I caught myself feeling this way and asked myself “How did I get to this..? How in the world I got myself to the point that I feel so unhappy..?!” Suddenly, I felt this quiet gentle voice within me “Rise above it. Rise above all your problems and what you are not happy about. Inga, look at how much good you have in your life! But you don’t see it because you are focused on what doesn’t go the way you want it to go and you are constantly thinking about what you are not happy about. Rise above all you are not happy about.  Rise above your dissatisfaction and look how much good you have in your life.”  In my mind I envisioned myself going up and leaving behind all that made me unhappy. I left behind my dissatisfaction, my daily routine, household and job duties, concerns, problems, worries.   As I left it all below, here above it felt so good and bright. I felt at ease!  I looked at the horizon and I saw Success, Happiness, Joy and Victories of my goals to be achieved yet. I was so longing for the sheer joy and easiness… I was so longing for the excitement of moving forward and achieving the goals that were getting me closer to my ultimate vision.  The victory was ahead of me waiting for me to reach it, but… I stopped moving toward it. Just a while ago I had so many goals that I wanted to achieve. I was striving for excellence every time I did something. I had such a beautiful vision for the life I wanted to create! But I lost my vision because I switched my focus on that, which was right in front of me  – facts of today’s reality. I focused on the parts of my life that made me irritated, unhappy and annoyed. I was constantly thinking about that, which made me unhappy instead of what I have achieved and what made my life fulfilling and beautiful. I focused on what was not working for me instead of seeking how I could implement the vision of the life I wanted to have. I knew I needed to switch my focus back to my vision. I needed to rise above all that made me so unhappy, leave it all behind and move toward implementing my dream. I had to walk in faith – I had to see my dream to be achieved. I had to choose to think about what I wanted my life to be like and how I could realize that, instead of what I was unhappy about. I will not implement my vision and I will not be happy if I am going to dwell on what was not working for me. I needed to shift my focus.

This was the day when my depressed inner state turned around. It seemed like someone opened my eyes and I saw what I didn’t see before – my life truly was amazing and I had so much beautiful in  my life!  All of a sudden I saw how much good I had in my life. I came to the U.S. knowing only one person and now I had so many wonderful people in my life. When I decided to move to California, I had nothing except my suitcase, few friends and my dream, and now I do live in this absolutely gorgeous spot of the world! I move around independently, work, travel and enjoy my life just as I did prior the accident. When I decided to establish myself in California, I said to my family and friends that my next goal is almost as impossible as a flight to the moon, but I am going to try it anyway. And I landed! I literally live the dream that seemed nearly impossible! My life is just a miracle… I have so much more to accomplish and I have the opportunity to do that!  That moment I felt that all those details that made me unhappy could not even compare to all what made my life so beautiful. I could not believe I did not see it before! And I did not see it only because I was focused on what was wrong in my life. I was constantly thinking about what I did not like and what I was unhappy about. Since that day I stopped doing that.

I made the decision to put my effort into turning away from my constant thinking about things that I was unhappy about. I had too many good things happening in my life to waste my time and my emotions on the negative. I decided to focus on how much beautiful I have, what I have achieved so far and what I was going to accomplish yet. If there were situations that I was not happy about, instead of sitting complaining or being drown in dissatisfaction about it, I was seeking for the ways how I could improve my circumstances, so I don’t have to feel this way anymore. And I did not even bother myself thinking about some things that were irritable. That was a new beginning for me. In my mind I kept my vision of the life I wanted to create, consistently worked on my goals, and by achieving one goal after another I improved my life conditions and my circumstances. Today I live my vision. Of course life had and still has its own moments and unexpected “surprises”, but I always remember what that quiet voice gently told me.

Today I want to pass that message to you.  Rise above it…. Don’t look what’s in front of you. Rise above it and look ahead. See how much good you have in your life and how truly blessed you are. Think more about that, than about your  problems and difficulties. The only reason to pay attention at your problems is to evaluate situation and find a way to resolve it. So when you look at your difficulty, focus on its solution. When you are not happy about some person, think more about what you like about him/her? When you face the unknown, fight your fear with faith and take action. Focus on that which empowers you. And know that all things work together for good to those, who love God and are called according to His purpose. Just realizing this  will create attitude of gratitude in you, because you will know that even difficulties are for your benefit.

Thanksgiving is not something you feel once a year… it is an attitude you carry within you all year long. It is very easy not to even notice the blessings that we receive every day, when we are focused on what makes us feel sad or frustrated. Make it a habit for yourself every single morning to start your day and every night to end your day with reflection of what you are grateful for.   Very soon you will notice how your list of what you feel grateful for starts expanding. 🙂

Meanwhile, enjoy this beautiful Holiday Season. Enjoy your time seeing your family and loved ones!

Make your Holidays extraordinary!

Inga

 

 

 

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