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Self-Management. How Perspective affects our inner state and decisions.

It greatly empowered me when I understood what a difference it makes when you are aware and consciously choose the perspective that strengthens. I wrote an article about it to bring the value to others. Of course it will be included in  my upcoming book “Unstoppable”. 🙂 For now, I encourage you to read about it here in my blog. It will empower you and will give you a tool which you can use when you face some difficulty.

 

Have you thought why some people give up and others overcome? Why some get depressed and give in to circumstances and others refuse to give in and find a way to improve those circumstances? I thought about it a lot. Is it really that some are stronger than the other ones? I believe, what sets those people apart is their ability to manage themselves. That’s all. What is self-management? It is the ability to control your response to life’s events, manage your thoughts and feelings/emotions. Or, in other words it is the ability to control your inner state. It is critical for us to be able to manage our inner state at all times, because we make different choices and different decisions, depending on our inner state. Would you agree, that you make different decisions and choose different actions when you feel hopeful, strong and determined and when you feel helpless, dis-empowered and doubting?

Our inner state depends on our Thought focus and Perspective.

What causes excitement and depression? Both inner states are the result of our thought focus. Nobody gets into a depression by focusing on exciting opportunities, or how grateful he is for everything good that he has. Depression sneaks in when a person pays close attention to what he is not happy about and constantly thinks about it. Same way, the more a person will focus on positive events,  new opportunities and compelling goals, there  will be no room for sadness, but the excitement and desire to implement his desired change. Our feelings always follow our thought focus.

I learned and realized that thoughts and emotions don’t just “happen” to me, leaving me powerless against them. I choose what I think and what I focus on, what meaning I give to the events and what I am going to do about it. Nobody and no event have the power to make me feel in any particular way, unless I allow it. I am the one who chooses my response, and that depends on my perspective and my interpretation of what it means to me.  

We always in our mind communicate to ourselves what things mean to us, how we feel about occurred events and what we are going to do about it all. When we are doing well, we are excited and think about how thrilled we are that things are going well,  what it took for us to achieve success, and having even stronger belief of what is possible for us, we move on to another venture. Likewise, in the event of various complex circumstances, we weigh our current situation, ask ourselves why it happened, and make conclusions and decisions for the future. While we are thinking about one or the other situation, we feel certain emotions. It’s easy to see the good side and feel positive emotions when the circumstances are in our favor. But it’s more challenging to feel positive if it’s a painful and difficult event for us.  The way we will feel about the event greatly depends on how we interpret it and how we communicate it to ourselves.

               One of the combining details that affects our inner state and our subsequent decisions is our perspective about the situation. Depending on our perspective we will give the meaning to that particular event, and from there follows our emotions and decisions what we are going to do next.

 I am sure we all have experienced situation, when we, after hearing some news or having some particular experience, automatically reacted to what happened accepting the event as a bad thing. Being overwhelmed with negative feelings, we got so fearful, frustrated or disappointed that we offended someone, hung up the phone or broke our relationship with someone, dropped pursuing our goal, gave up on a project we intended to work on, broke our commitments and similar.  After some time, when everything calmed down, we asked ourselves “Why did I do that…?”, then realizing that we acted that way because we were driven by the emotions that we had at that time. Unfortunately, our words and actions most often are irreversible.  But if we learn how to stop ourselves from the negative reaction and allow our empowering perspective to shape our response to a situation, it is much easier to accept and handle occurred problems, and we can save ourselves from unpleasant further situations that we might put ourselves into as a result of our reactive response.

Our perspective shapes our response. Having the same event, we have a choice of how we will look at it and how we will interpret it.

Is this a punishment or is this a lesson for me?

Is this a loss or an opened opportunity to have new and better?

Does this situation show me that I am not good enough or does this situation show there is an area where I can improve myself, so I can do better next time?

Is this a dead end or is it a challenge for me to find a way because I know there must be a way?

Is this a failure or is it an experience with the lesson of what I can do better and where I should improve? Is this a crash or is it just the end of something that will be replaced by something that really needs to take place in my life?  

Is this too much for me to handle or is this opportunity for me to overcome a new challenge and become stronger? 

Is this a problem or is it a challenge for me to find a way, to improve and create what I want?

 Let’s take a simple example. Ken, after a break-up with the woman he loves due to her lies and cheating, can look at it in various ways. Ken can come up with ideas that he is not good enough, something’s wrong with him, he has been lied to because there is something better than him and probably this woman only wanted to use him. What is he going to do next? Very likely, this kind of perspective will lead him into a belief that will lower his self-confidence and will greatly impact his decision what love and relationship means to him. He might start believing that he is not good enough to be loved, women are deceptive cheaters, it doesn’t work out for him because he is not worthy of a good strong relationship and similar.  From that belief and new perspective about himself and relationships, he might make a decision that close connection and love hurt, and he doesn’t even want to get into a new relationship, because he doesn’t want to be hurt and disappointed again.  

 Having the same situation there is a choice to look at it differently. Ken can look at the break-up as a good thing, because if his second half chose to lie to him and be dishonest, then this was not really his second half. He knows what kind of woman he wants to tie his life with, and this is definitely not what he wants. In fact, it would have been worse if he wasted more time with her and especially if he had made a life commitment with that person. Now he has a new opportunity to meet his true life partner, who will love him unconditionally, who will not hurt him and will be faithful to him. Actually, he is truly thankful for this break-up, because now he is free to meet his true woman for him and is ready for that special connection and relationship. How will this perspective make Ken feel and what kind of decision he will make? Much different, right? The same situation, two different perspectives and totally different results.

Another simple example in a different situation: let’s say I come to work and find out that I was let go. What am I going to do about it? It greatly depends on my perspective. I  can see it as I  am not good enough and they are getting rid of me, it’s a big  problem, it’s the end of my security and well being. But what if this is an opportunity for me to get a better position? What if this door closes, so I would open another door to have a career that I really want? Maybe this is an opportunity for me to apply for the position that I dream about or maybe even create my own business? Again, two different perspectives and both of them will create totally different outcomes for a person. 

 

What if we look at circumstances or occurred events as just the facts. The fact itself can’t make us feel in any particular way.  It is just a plain fact same way as any object. It’s how we look at the fact will shape our attitude and our feelings about it. Events, same way as objects or activities are simply neutral matter and they have both likes and dislikes, depending on what it means to people. Let’s take a gamble game. It is just a game, nothing more.  But how we feel about it depends on how we look at it and what gambling game means to us. We can look at it as a fun time with friends, excitement of a mystery of what’s going to happen next and a great opportunity to gain unlimited amount of money with no effort and work.  Also, we can look at it as a waste of time, opening doors to something that can bring a great destruction into our lives and it is just throwing away our money that we can spend on something more meaningful.  It’s all how we look at it will make us feel about that object or any event.  

Our perspective is the foundation of what meaning we give to the event or any circumstance, and depending on that we will feel about it in a particular way and will choose what we are going to do about it.

               Perspective depends greatly on our beliefs.

We have a choice to believe that we are capable and will improve in the learning process or we may believe that  we are just not good enough and will never be. We have a choice to believe that everything that happens in our lives is in God’s control and everything happens for the purpose and for the better. We also may believe that there is no God, life is whatever events happens to us, it’s all about luck and most often life’s not fair. We may believe that with our decisions we can shape our destiny, and we may believe that all life’s events and circumstances are out of our control; therefore, it is meaningless to work hard and make the effort. We may believe that we are not good enough and are not really worthy of love and strong family, and we may choose to believe that everybody is worthy and can have it, so we do as well and we will have it when the right time comes. We may have a belief that we will not succeed anyway, because we are not worthy of success or we are simply not as lucky as others, and we can believe that we will be blessed and will succeed wherever we go. These are just several examples of general beliefs about God, life, love and us as people, which shape our perspective about the events and our connection with people.  Belief is nothing more than what we are convinced about, which we can choose as well.

We can take another example to show how belief shapes our perspective and the perspective leads to certain decisions, followed by actions. To make it more real, I will take my own life. The car accident that I was involved in was something that neither I nor anybody else in my life could have ever expected. I was 22 years old, and this event was a major turning point in my life and lives of my family members. The result of that event was that I lost a person, who I was dating at the time (he was killed), and lost basically everything that made my life fulfilling and joyous with no way to restore it back.  In addition to losing it all, having multiple injuries and losing both of my legs and having my left arm fully paralyzed, made me totally helpless and not able to take care of myself at all.  From being active, joyous and having strong potential to be successful in life, suddenly I found myself helpless in bed not being able to move or do anything independently, except see, feel and speak a little bit.  Losing half of my body completely changed my life. There were many different opinions of why it happened, questions about my destiny and advice what I should do with my life at that point. I have heard people had ideas that God punished me; others said this was my destiny and I should just accept it. “Such is your fate…he broke your destiny” was a very common conclusion, implying that I needed to just accept it and give in, because there was nothing I could do to get it all back or make it better. I also had to hear advice not to try so hard pursuing my dream, because it was unrealistic. I disagreed with them all and decided to fight for my life, because I had a different belief.

Today, one of the things I am most grateful for to my Creator is that from the very beginning I had a positive perspective about what had happened and faith of what my future would be like. I had unshakable belief that my life’s in God’s control and therefore, I will not fear. There was a reason why I got into this crash and also there is a purpose why I survived, even though I was given 30% to live.  Since the Scriptures say that everything works for good to those who love God (Romans 8:28), that means there must be a serious reason why this had happened, and I believed somehow this was for my good. Even though now I didn’t understand many things, but I believed there’s a purpose in everything and Lord was going to restore my life. In spite of suggestions to give in, I firmly decided that I would not sit around for the rest of my life being a victim of drunk driving. I didn’t believe that this event happened for me to spend the rest of my life being in regret and depression, watching how my life passes by in sadness and restricted life style. I decided that I would not cry and wouldn’t spend my life thinking about what had happened being in self pity or collecting sympathy from others. I kept saying to myself that what I was experiencing at the time was only temporary. I would live a full life in spite of my injuries. I had a very clear understanding that my destiny was not going to be “broken” because of the event that had happened. I could change my destiny the way I wanted to and with God’s help that’s exactly what I was going to do. My understanding about it was so bright and clear, as if I were given a palette of paint, being told that I  could draw only black or gray house, and I knew that I could use all the colors I wanted, and paint not only a house, but also blossoming gardens, green trees, colorful flowers, bright yellow sun, blue sky… I did not know how my situation could possibly resolve to a better, but I knew that I would live well. I completely ignored people’s sayings “Such is your fate…” As soon as I heard such opinions, feelings of rebellion would instantly stir up inside of me and my response was “No. That is NOT my destiny. I will create the destiny that I want.”  I did not listen to what anybody said about my position in life and their opinions about my goals that I wanted to achieve. I always had a vision of how I wanted my life to be, believed that it was possible to implement it and did everything I could do to make it become my reality. My helplessness created a burning desire to do whatever it takes to lead joyous, active and independent life again.  I set the goals for myself, which step-by-step transformed my life from not being able to speak, move or do anything independently to travelling from Europe to the United States by myself and building my live all over again.   I had a vision that I would live a full active lifestyle in spite of my injuries, consistently worked toward my goal, and today I live my dream that seemed nearly impossible. In fact, today I feel happier than before the car accident.

Now, after a while, I clearly see that if I had looked at my circumstances “realistically” as many did, and would have agreed with people, who told me that I should just accept what had happened and let it be the way it was, because such was my fate – probably I would still be spending my days being stuck at home having no access to a full life. My belief shaped the perspective that gave me hope and empowered me to take action to change my circumstances and create the life that I envisioned.  My perspective about this event and my future gave a birth to the attitude that I can’t and won’t give up on my life, but will take action to improve everything, and had unshakable belief that I would succeed. I did not allow my loss to ruin my desire to live a full joyous life. Opposite, my loss gave a birth within to a burning desire to live and aspiration to achieve my dreams. I did not allow my desperate situation to destroy my faith. Opposite, my faith became stronger than it ever was. My adversity revealed to me the values that I never saw before. My belief and attitude made me strong, persistent and unstoppable.

 

As all of my above examples show, the same situation can have totally different outcomes, depending on which perspective we choose. Some beliefs are unconscious, and they come from people’s backgrounds, religious beliefs, experience, philosophy or other people’s opinions and their experience. If we are aware of our beliefs and our perspective, we can manage and choose the response that will empower us.

For instance, difficult situations is something that everyone avoids. However, they will be there whether we like it or not. Every single person has faced difficulty at some point in their lives, and the way they handled it greatly depends on their perspective about it and what they decided to do about it. In any case, naturally everyone has negative feelings about difficult situations. What if we take a different point of view at the difficulty? Opportunity. It’s an opportunity  to learn what better choices I can do next time;  opportunity to develop certain character traits;  opportunity to learn to trust more the Higher Power;  opportunity to test myself how I can handle challenges. In each situation it is possible to learn something. If we value learning and growth, we can look at every situation as a lesson and ask ourselves what we can learn from this experience.

If we believe that God does not give us more than we can cope with and there is a reason for everything, we will just know that our current situation is not more difficult than we can handle, and it is in our life for the reason. Our job is to handle it the best possible way and see the reason. After some time we might  see that actually particularly this difficult situation was for our good, because it directed our life path toward our dream, it tested us, developed necessary character traits and gave us more wisdom. After seeing that, our belief will get even more grounded, and when next time we will face difficulty – we will be even more steady in our  empowering perspective and we will handle the situation in a different way.   If we see that a certain challenge was given to us as a lesson or opportunity for our self-improvement, our mind will be focused on what we can learn from that and how we can improve ourselves, instead of how bad and difficult situation is, and naturally, we will handle the challenge differently.

We do not have control over other people and a lot of times we do not have control over what happens in our lives. But we have a choice of how we look at it all and what we are going to do about it. Depending on our decisions what we are going to do next, we will have subsequent events and this way we shape our destiny.  If we carefully and deliberately choose our beliefs and perspective, we will always have control over our response to various life’s events, challenges in our relationships or any situation in  life.

It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.” Anthony Robbins

Be Strong. Be Determined and Persistent. Be Unstoppable! 🙂

 Inga Lizdenyte

http://www.ingalizdenyte.com/

 

 

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Keep Going Forward Fully Trusting Your Creator

Sunday, April 13th, 2014

For some reason for the last few days I have been feeling I needed to post the very end of my upcoming book “Unstoppable”. Not sure why, but maybe someone needs encouragement. I wish I could speak to that person. Well…this is for You, who takes time to read it. I lived every single sentence and whatever situation you are in, I want to encourage you – do not let go, keep going.

Keep going forward fully trusting your Creator. Fight for your future no matter what happens and how difficult or painful it might be. Do not fear of anything because the Lord your God holds you in His hands. He directs your path and leads you the way you need to go. I do not say that your life path is going to be easy and you won’t meet any difficulties if you live a righteous life in the sight of God. Life is a journey, and you will experience heat and cold, sun and rain, valleys and hills covered with green and flowers, and also the dessert with no water or liveliness. But the Lord will be there with you at all times, will protect you and help you to go through any adversities. At the same time, in a way life is a battle and it depends only on you whether you win or lose.

There will be sleepless nights, when you will be thinking that what you want is nearly impossible. But trust that your Creator is all powerful and with His help and your efforts anything is possible. There will be times when circumstances will not turn the way you would like it to be. But trust that sometimes events, which seem bad to us or not to our benefit, really are for the better; we just don’t see it at the time. Accept what happens and always do the best you can. Sure there will be days when you will feel tired from constant trying to stretch and to do your best, and you will want to just let it go or do your job carelessly. But you rise above mediocrity. Win against yourself by doing the job better than you did it yesterday. Yes, there will be disappointments. But do not allow it to break down your determination. There will be thoughts that will try to discourage you when your circumstances will seem way too complicated to be solved in your favor. But do not give up. Look for the solution until you find it. You will not find it only if you believe that there is no solution and will give up on it. There will be people, who will try to convince you that it is not worth doing what you are trying to accomplish. Also, there will be people who will try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. But that’s just their opinions based on their beliefs and their attitudes. But really, only you know what is the right thing for you to do. You have your vision; you know what you believe in and where you are going. So hold on to that and do not let anybody talk you out of your purpose.  You will meet obstacles that will prevent you from achieving your goal and will try to get you off track. But overcome those obstacles and just keep going.

No one can break you down and stop you unless you allow it. And even if you slip and fall down – ask the Lord to give you strength, get up and continue moving forward. Just do not give up. Never give up. When you face difficult times, remember that you have a source of strength. The Lord your God is watching over you and always going to be there for you. He will hear when you call Him with your pure heart, and He will give you help. Certain people or events can impact your circumstances, and even can direct your life in a certain way, but they can’t determine how you will live your life. Things that happen can impact your life one or another way, but nobody and nothing can take away from you that, which is within you. No people, troubles or difficulties can take away from you your faith and positive attitude, which is a foundation for your life. When you do face the challenge – accept it with courage, because it was given to you for you to learn, not to break you down. If you hold unshakable faith and attitude that strengthens you, you will always have the courage to accept any situation in life and strength to move on no matter what happens along the way. And if you protect it, no life’s storm will be able to break you down.  So, cherish and protect that, which is within you. Be like a ship that lifts up its sails and moves forward despite any storms. 

Be strong. Be determined and persistent. Be unstoppable.

Inga Lizdenyte

UNSTOPPABLE, Copyrighted 2013                                

 

 

 

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Adding the value to the world

People have different purposes in life, different interests, different businesses, different lifestyles. But every person has something in common – we all have faced a painful event in life on one or another level. Problems and difficulties is the same part of life as success, joy and everything that we consider good. There is a big difference though how people deal with it. We all know stories of people, who handled problems and challenges well and we also know stories of those, who let go of their dream, gave up on the relationship, gave up on the project they were working on and even gave up on their lives, because they could not handle the pain and the challenge.

Nowadays, there are so many people, who are deeply disappointed  and wounded, exhausted and lost hope after encountering some painful events in their lives. Many are stressed out, lonely and depressed after facing some serious troubles in their relationships or businesses. There are so many, who after experiencing some tragic events or health issues are deeply depressed and on a verge of giving up, because they feel powerless to improve their situation.  While many speakers add a great value by  teaching how to become a successful entrepreneur or create an abundant life, I want to add a value to the world by bringing the message of hope, sharing my personal life’s testimony of God’s power to restore the broken and turn the impossible into possible.  Along with that message, I want share some Self-Management strategies that will help people feel empowered and handle their challenges, overcome obstacles and resolve problems.

I offer Speaking and Group/Personal Life Coaching services. My niche is  How to get back up after the painful event; How to overcome obstacles and challenges and move on creating the life you desire; How to make a change in life and achieve even that, which seems impossible. Some of the topics are:

  • Share my personal life testimony of how with God’s I help was able to transform my life after the devastating car accident
  • How to get and maintain inner strength. How to trust God. Rely on Him
  • How to create a vision and successfully achieve your goals
  • Finding the empowering meaning to the circumstances and look into the future
  • How our perspective determines our inner state and decisions. The importance of carefully choosing the perspective  and having control over it
  • How to get out of depression and maintain empowering inner state
  • How to overcome challenging difficulties and obstacles
  • How to deal with problems in life in a way that strengthens you and empowers you to resolve them in the best possible way

When I was 22 years old, I was involved in a car accident that ended tragically. One moment completely changed my life. I lost everything that made my life joyous and beautiful, and no longer I had my legs nor could I use my left arm.  I was not able to take care of myself anymore and did not know how I would be able to continue my life.  Praise be to God, my tragedy turned into a beautiful testimony of God’s power to restore the broken. Today, I feel happier than I was before the car accident. Since the accident though, I had to face variety of obstacles and challenges on a daily basis. As I continued my life journey, having my vision and unshakable faith that I was going to reach my dream, I learned to handle the pain, overcome obstacles that prevented me from moving forward and handle the challenges in a way that they worked for my benefit. I got out of deep depression without medication  or psychological help and learned to maintain empowering inner state at all times. As I was moving forward, I kept achieving goals, which ultimately transformed my life from being helpless and a depressed to moving across the globe by myself and creating a joyous and fulfilling life.

If I can add a value to you, please feel free contact me: Inga.Lizdenyte@gmail.com

http://www.ingalizdenyte.com/

Regards, Inga Lizdenyte

 

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Problem vs. Challenge

Our lives are filled with various experiences, and not all of them are good. Every person knows the meaning of the word Problem. Usually we do not have a good association with this word. Difficult situations are never pleasant, and a lot of times it means destruction for us.  We all naturally  try to avoid problems and also naturally we react negatively when we face them.

 I want to invite you to see another side of the problem. When we look at the bigger picture – difficulties are just the same part of life as everything else that we consider good. We are not going to avoid them as much as we would like to. Struggles can play two roles in our lives, and I believe we have a big influence on which role they will be playing. Problems may lead us to the anxiety, fear and even despair, and they also can make us stronger, strengthen our faith, teach us to not give up, but aim for the goal.  Challenges can either break us or make us stronger, and it depends only on us what kind of end result we are going to have.   How we are going to cope with them depends on our faith, attitude and our actions. I have learned to see a lot of good in problems. In fact, difficulties were to my benefit.

 After getting into a car accident and losing both of my legs and having my left arm paralyzed, I had to go through an enormous physical and emotional pain and face a lot of challenging obstacles while living in my home country, Lithuania. Upon my arrival to the United States, some of the issues resolved right away, because here there  is a different access for the wheelchair users and different climate. However, there were other issues that needed to be solved. My attitude really supported me, because it helped me to overcome every obstacle I had encountered with, and it developed a new perspective about the problems. I started seeing them as the same part of life just as joy and success, and I accept them naturally as all other life circumstances. Problems and difficulties are just simply situations that we have to deal with. They are going to come into our lives over and over again, and what outcome we will have depends on how we look at those situations and what we are going to do about them.  If we see our situation as a big problem and will focus on how bad it is and how difficult it is to improve it – we will immediately have negative feelings. The more we think about its complexity,- negative feelings will increase. Soon enough we will get anxious, worried, and fearful and eventually we may even get panic.  It is very difficult to make a wise decision being in such inner state, would you agree? Have you ever noticed that the more you focus on the problem and its complexity, the more difficult it seems to you? The more complicated it seems, the worse you feel, and eventually you don’t even know what to do about it. When you choose to focus only on your problem itself, it is difficult to see the solution. You feel stuck and it doesn’t even make sense to make any efforts to improve the situation, because you simply don’t see that it can be improved. Finally, there is a temptation to just give up on it and let it be.

 Let’s see if a different perspective about difficult circumstances can make a difference. How about if you look at it not as a Problem, but as a Challenge that has a solution? What is the solution? That is going to be your challenge – to find it and implement it. Do you know a game The Rubik’s Cube? I remember those times, when in my childhood my brother and I would turn that magic cube trying to put all those colors together. It was difficult and often times we couldn’t win. But we still kept playing it. We clearly understood that the point of this puzzle game was to find a way how to put all those various colors in a way that each side of the cube was the solid color. We knew that there must be a way and we looked for it. There were days, when we’d lose our patience and pass it on to Mom or Dad, so they could try it. But on the next day, we’d take it back and again tried to solve that puzzle. Why would we take it again and again despite of how difficult it was to find that mysterious solution? It’s because we knew that there was a way to arrange that puzzle cube in solid colors, we were challenged to find a way, and we were determined to find it. If you did not have a chance to play this puzzle game, pick another challenging game that you played. Remember how you looked at it and what was your mindset, why would you go back to that game over and over again, and played it until you had the victory. Because you knew there must be a way, right?

What if you looked at the difficult circumstances the same way? Try to look at them in the same way as you looked at the game that challenged you. Remember yourself when you were a kid, how you, sincerely believing that there must be a way, kept trying to find a solution for that puzzle game. And you found it, right? Your current situation also has a way out. What is that way? I don’t know. But you can find it, if you look for it with such determination and enthusiasm as you had while playing that game.  Your life difficulties are your Rubik’s Cube. It is given to you to find its solution. Problems are there for you to learn and make you stronger, not to break you down.

 

Application 

When facing a difficult situation, it is important to control our perspective about it. The situation is solely a plain fact. What kind of feelings we are going to have and what we are going to do about it, greatly depends on our perspective about that fact. It is important how we interpret it and what kind of question we ask ourselves.

 Problem:  If we look at the occurred situation, focusing on how unexpected  and complicated it is or how bad it can get – we will see it as a Problem and we will feel stuck. If we focus on the problem itself, usually the questions in our mind will be out of our emotions and the ones that do not have an answer or will be dis-empowering. For example “Why is this happening to me?!”, “How could he/she do this to me?” “Why can’t I get out of the problems?!”

 We see the situation as a Problem because we focus on how difficult or hopeless it is. We will handle the same situation in a much different way, if we focus on the solution and ask ourselves different questions.

 Challenge: I learned this from my experience, and I will use it here in order to be able illustrate my thought. The fact that I completely lost the use of my left arm by having it paralyzed, was very painful. It seemed nearly impossible to take care of myself with one arm and having no legs. The first few months after the accident I would constantly ask myself “What about the shower? How am I going to put on clothes now? How am I supposed to fix my hair with one hand..? How in the world am I going to fix meals with one hand?!” The first several months my Mom used to help with all these needs, but I knew I must find a way to take care of it all on my own because I couldn’t keep asking for assistance for the rest of my life. I must continue my life in spite of my limitations and I had to find a way to take care of myself independently. This way, I did not keep telling myself that I could not do anything by myself  because I didn’t have my legs and my arm, but I was looking for ways how I could take care of things being in such physical condition.

Now, after many years, I see one very important detail that helped me to find ways to take care of myself and fully re-build my life. When I needed to do something with one hand, in my mind I did not ask myself “CAN I do this?” If I did, the answer automatically would have been NO, because nobody cooks or puts on clothes with one hand. And generally, it looks nearly impossible to do things using only one hand, which actually requires two.  Instead, I asked myself “HOW can I do this?”, and thus automatically my thoughts were focused on figuring out the solution. My left hand is still paralyzed and I do not have my legs, but today I live on my own across the globe from my family, and independently take care of my needs, take care of the household matters, laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking, work, travel, etc. because of this simple reason – facing a challenging situation I ask myself “HOW?” instead of “CAN I?” Thus, I developed such character trait, that as soon as I face some difficult situation, I automatically ask myself a question “How can I solve this situation to get the best outcome?” or “There must be a way. What is the way?

 

The ways to improve or cope with the situation are always there, we just need to find them. The same situation – which is a solely fact – can be taken two ways, and our end result will depend on whether we look at it is a Problem, focusing on its difficulty or we look at it as a challenge to ourselves, focusing on possible solutions.

Facing difficult situation, instead of looking at it as a Problem and focusing on how bad it is, remember a puzzle game that you were challenged by. You kept looking for the solution, because you knew there was one. Your situation does have a solution same way as that puzzle game, you only need to look for it, and keep looking for it until you find it. You will find a way  by asking yourself questions that will direct  your focus on the solution. There is a big difference between questions “Can I, is it possible?” and “How can I, what is the way?” and each of them will deliver totally different results for the exact same situation. “Can I?” is usually automatic reaction to the difficult situation. The danger of it is that if the situation is going to be really difficult, the answer will be immediately No. I started my learning journey in the Rehab center, when I needed to get out of bed and dress up independently, or having ingredients for the sandwich (which was needed to cut, etc.), tried to figure out how I could make a meal for myself with one hand. If I had looked at it as a Problem, focusing on my limitations and asked myself “Can I do it?”, the answer automatically would have been NO, because nobody slices the bread and other ingredients and makes the sandwich with one hand. But I looked at it as a challenge to find a way how I could do it, and it made a big difference not only in that situation, but in my entire life.

 

 Coaching application

As a coach, when I see a client seeing the situation as a Problem, I tell him about the example of the puzzle game, to help him see his situation as a challenge. And then, I apply some of the questions, to help him change the perspective and find the solution.

It is always more powerful if you hear the powerful and not expected questions from somebody else. But if you don’t have a coach, who would help you with that, you can do it yourself. When you face a situation that is difficult, instead of calling it a “problem”, focusing on its difficulty, think of it as your challenge that you need to resolve. Only by asking yourself questions that will direct your mind to seek for the solution you will find the solution. Ask yourself questions that will make you look at the situation from another perspective. Some of the examples are:

  • If this situation is a Win/Win –  what’s in it for me?
  • What can I  appreciate about this situation?
  • What can I learn from this?
  • Having the situation the way it is, what would change it to a better?
  • Where is the solution to this?
  • If I see this situation as a challenge to myself… Maybe there is something for me to learn, improve some character traits or something else… What would that be?
  • What would be ideal outcome from this situation?
  • What needs to happen to have my desired outcome?
  • What possible options can I see that would make my situation better/improved/resolved?
  • If I decide have fun with this, what could I laugh about this situation?

 

Start appreciate difficult situations. They are there for a reason, and it depends only on you if you end it strong or the situation will overpower you. Problems either will break you or make you stronger. Which end result you like better?

Show those problems that YOU are stronger! 🙂

Be strong. Be determined and persistent. Be unstoppable.

 

 

 

 

 

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Link

http://www.ingalizdenyte.com

Learning from my experience, I firmly can say that it’s not what happens to us what determines our destiny, but how we respond to it and what we do about it. I learned that anything is possible, if we really want it, do whatever it takes to implement our dream and have unshakable faith. Challenges, obstacles and various problems are natural parts of our lives just as love, abundance and success. The question is how we handle those challenges and that’s what makes a difference. It’s essential to keep moving on, no matter how challenging it might be. We must not give up no matter how ​difficult or painful it might be.  Giving up does not need any talent or effort… It is sure an easier route, but where does it lead?

Only those, who refuse to give up and do whatever it takes to push through the challenges, celebrate the victory after all.

​* Do you have a vision or goals that you want to achieve? Maybe it even seems nearly impossible?:)

* Are you going through some challenges or obstacles that makes it difficult or even prevent you from moving forward in life/career?

* Have you experienced some life changing event and you need support in moving on, while dealing with the changes?

* Do you want to make a change and need some support in the decision-making process and in your journey making it happen?

​ I will be happy to coach you and support you in your journey.

​After losing my both legs and the use of my left arm, I was able to transform my life from not being able to speak, move or do anything to independently, to traveling from Europe to the United States on my own and building my live all over again. Today I live my dream that seemed just impossible.

​Connect with me Inga.Lizdenyte@gmail.com for your complimentary coaching session. Let’s see how you can implement your vision and achieve the desired result!

 

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It’s a choice

We don’t always have a choice of what happens in our lives. But we do have a choice what we do with it. Those, who know me well, hear a lot me saying that it is not what happens to us determines our destiny, but what we do with what happens. It’s a choice. A choice to give up thinking that you can’t handle it and a choice to fight for your life. A choice to be easily discouraged and a choice to persist. A choice to be pessimistic and a choice to find good things even in bad circumstances and hold on to unshakable faith that the best is still ahead. A choice to let it go once it gets tough and a choice to keep pushing it forward and make it work. It’s a choice. It’s a decision, which will determine what is going to happen next. Have a wonderful week!

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped” A. Robbins

 

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It can be critical for your results.

As I was editing my manuscript of Unstoppable, I was inspired to share with you one of the crucial details that made a huge difference in overcoming my challenging obstacles and goals that I needed to implement. It is having “I can” mindset and inner communication. Empowering inner communication or in other words Self-talk helped me to break through the most challenging times. When my circumstances seemed totally desperate, I said to myself “For me it looks impossible, but I know there is nothing impossible for God; He will create opportunity for me.” When I heard “You can’t do it”, my response was “Yes I can. Don’t tell me what I can and what I cannot do”. When people told me “It’s impossible”, my response was “I know it’s not going to be easy, but I will try and will do whatever it takes to make it happen”. When I faced difficulties that made my goal impossible and it seemed I had no strength to make another step, I would pull all my strength together and say to myself “Inga. You can do it. It’s not more than you can handle. With God’s help you will get through this and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel”. My self-communication empowered me greatly. I felt strong enough to take any pain and difficult situation, and I had unshakable faith that what I want CAN BE done. And that was my foundation, which was like a rock that I was standing on. I did not allow difficult circumstances to break me down. And then, I took consistent action, which moved me forward.

It is very important to be careful how we interpret events and what we say to ourselves, because it determines how we feel about the occurred circumstances and our ability to handle the situation. Can you feel the difference in how you feel when you say to yourself “Yes, I can do it and I will make it happen no matter what it takes for me to get there.” and “I can’t handle it. It’s too much for me. ” Would you agree that you are going to have different results in each of these situations? Sure, without a doubt.

It is critical to pay close attention to how you communicate to yourself certain events and circumstances, and whether or not you can handle it, because depending on that you will make decisions what you are going to do about the situation. Then, your decisions will be followed by your action or inaction. Automatically, your action (or inaction) will create following circumstances and ultimately it might even give the direction to your destiny.

Always remember, that various circumstances have no power over you and they can’t make you feel in a certain way unless you allow it. You are the one, who chooses what you think about and how you look at things. Learning to control your own thoughts and your focus is crucial because it determines your inner state, your following actions and finally your results.

Cheers! 😉

 

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