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Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Problem vs. Challenge

Our lives are filled with various experiences, and not all of them are good. Every person knows the meaning of the word Problem. Usually we do not have a good association with this word. Difficult situations are never pleasant, and a lot of times it means destruction for us.  We all naturally  try to avoid problems and also naturally we react negatively when we face them.

 I want to invite you to see another side of the problem. When we look at the bigger picture – difficulties are just the same part of life as everything else that we consider good. We are not going to avoid them as much as we would like to. Struggles can play two roles in our lives, and I believe we have a big influence on which role they will be playing. Problems may lead us to the anxiety, fear and even despair, and they also can make us stronger, strengthen our faith, teach us to not give up, but aim for the goal.  Challenges can either break us or make us stronger, and it depends only on us what kind of end result we are going to have.   How we are going to cope with them depends on our faith, attitude and our actions. I have learned to see a lot of good in problems. In fact, difficulties were to my benefit.

 After getting into a car accident and losing both of my legs and having my left arm paralyzed, I had to go through an enormous physical and emotional pain and face a lot of challenging obstacles while living in my home country, Lithuania. Upon my arrival to the United States, some of the issues resolved right away, because here there  is a different access for the wheelchair users and different climate. However, there were other issues that needed to be solved. My attitude really supported me, because it helped me to overcome every obstacle I had encountered with, and it developed a new perspective about the problems. I started seeing them as the same part of life just as joy and success, and I accept them naturally as all other life circumstances. Problems and difficulties are just simply situations that we have to deal with. They are going to come into our lives over and over again, and what outcome we will have depends on how we look at those situations and what we are going to do about them.  If we see our situation as a big problem and will focus on how bad it is and how difficult it is to improve it – we will immediately have negative feelings. The more we think about its complexity,- negative feelings will increase. Soon enough we will get anxious, worried, and fearful and eventually we may even get panic.  It is very difficult to make a wise decision being in such inner state, would you agree? Have you ever noticed that the more you focus on the problem and its complexity, the more difficult it seems to you? The more complicated it seems, the worse you feel, and eventually you don’t even know what to do about it. When you choose to focus only on your problem itself, it is difficult to see the solution. You feel stuck and it doesn’t even make sense to make any efforts to improve the situation, because you simply don’t see that it can be improved. Finally, there is a temptation to just give up on it and let it be.

 Let’s see if a different perspective about difficult circumstances can make a difference. How about if you look at it not as a Problem, but as a Challenge that has a solution? What is the solution? That is going to be your challenge – to find it and implement it. Do you know a game The Rubik’s Cube? I remember those times, when in my childhood my brother and I would turn that magic cube trying to put all those colors together. It was difficult and often times we couldn’t win. But we still kept playing it. We clearly understood that the point of this puzzle game was to find a way how to put all those various colors in a way that each side of the cube was the solid color. We knew that there must be a way and we looked for it. There were days, when we’d lose our patience and pass it on to Mom or Dad, so they could try it. But on the next day, we’d take it back and again tried to solve that puzzle. Why would we take it again and again despite of how difficult it was to find that mysterious solution? It’s because we knew that there was a way to arrange that puzzle cube in solid colors, we were challenged to find a way, and we were determined to find it. If you did not have a chance to play this puzzle game, pick another challenging game that you played. Remember how you looked at it and what was your mindset, why would you go back to that game over and over again, and played it until you had the victory. Because you knew there must be a way, right?

What if you looked at the difficult circumstances the same way? Try to look at them in the same way as you looked at the game that challenged you. Remember yourself when you were a kid, how you, sincerely believing that there must be a way, kept trying to find a solution for that puzzle game. And you found it, right? Your current situation also has a way out. What is that way? I don’t know. But you can find it, if you look for it with such determination and enthusiasm as you had while playing that game.  Your life difficulties are your Rubik’s Cube. It is given to you to find its solution. Problems are there for you to learn and make you stronger, not to break you down.

 

Application 

When facing a difficult situation, it is important to control our perspective about it. The situation is solely a plain fact. What kind of feelings we are going to have and what we are going to do about it, greatly depends on our perspective about that fact. It is important how we interpret it and what kind of question we ask ourselves.

 Problem:  If we look at the occurred situation, focusing on how unexpected  and complicated it is or how bad it can get – we will see it as a Problem and we will feel stuck. If we focus on the problem itself, usually the questions in our mind will be out of our emotions and the ones that do not have an answer or will be dis-empowering. For example “Why is this happening to me?!”, “How could he/she do this to me?” “Why can’t I get out of the problems?!”

 We see the situation as a Problem because we focus on how difficult or hopeless it is. We will handle the same situation in a much different way, if we focus on the solution and ask ourselves different questions.

 Challenge: I learned this from my experience, and I will use it here in order to be able illustrate my thought. The fact that I completely lost the use of my left arm by having it paralyzed, was very painful. It seemed nearly impossible to take care of myself with one arm and having no legs. The first few months after the accident I would constantly ask myself “What about the shower? How am I going to put on clothes now? How am I supposed to fix my hair with one hand..? How in the world am I going to fix meals with one hand?!” The first several months my Mom used to help with all these needs, but I knew I must find a way to take care of it all on my own because I couldn’t keep asking for assistance for the rest of my life. I must continue my life in spite of my limitations and I had to find a way to take care of myself independently. This way, I did not keep telling myself that I could not do anything by myself  because I didn’t have my legs and my arm, but I was looking for ways how I could take care of things being in such physical condition.

Now, after many years, I see one very important detail that helped me to find ways to take care of myself and fully re-build my life. When I needed to do something with one hand, in my mind I did not ask myself “CAN I do this?” If I did, the answer automatically would have been NO, because nobody cooks or puts on clothes with one hand. And generally, it looks nearly impossible to do things using only one hand, which actually requires two.  Instead, I asked myself “HOW can I do this?”, and thus automatically my thoughts were focused on figuring out the solution. My left hand is still paralyzed and I do not have my legs, but today I live on my own across the globe from my family, and independently take care of my needs, take care of the household matters, laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking, work, travel, etc. because of this simple reason – facing a challenging situation I ask myself “HOW?” instead of “CAN I?” Thus, I developed such character trait, that as soon as I face some difficult situation, I automatically ask myself a question “How can I solve this situation to get the best outcome?” or “There must be a way. What is the way?

 

The ways to improve or cope with the situation are always there, we just need to find them. The same situation – which is a solely fact – can be taken two ways, and our end result will depend on whether we look at it is a Problem, focusing on its difficulty or we look at it as a challenge to ourselves, focusing on possible solutions.

Facing difficult situation, instead of looking at it as a Problem and focusing on how bad it is, remember a puzzle game that you were challenged by. You kept looking for the solution, because you knew there was one. Your situation does have a solution same way as that puzzle game, you only need to look for it, and keep looking for it until you find it. You will find a way  by asking yourself questions that will direct  your focus on the solution. There is a big difference between questions “Can I, is it possible?” and “How can I, what is the way?” and each of them will deliver totally different results for the exact same situation. “Can I?” is usually automatic reaction to the difficult situation. The danger of it is that if the situation is going to be really difficult, the answer will be immediately No. I started my learning journey in the Rehab center, when I needed to get out of bed and dress up independently, or having ingredients for the sandwich (which was needed to cut, etc.), tried to figure out how I could make a meal for myself with one hand. If I had looked at it as a Problem, focusing on my limitations and asked myself “Can I do it?”, the answer automatically would have been NO, because nobody slices the bread and other ingredients and makes the sandwich with one hand. But I looked at it as a challenge to find a way how I could do it, and it made a big difference not only in that situation, but in my entire life.

 

 Coaching application

As a coach, when I see a client seeing the situation as a Problem, I tell him about the example of the puzzle game, to help him see his situation as a challenge. And then, I apply some of the questions, to help him change the perspective and find the solution.

It is always more powerful if you hear the powerful and not expected questions from somebody else. But if you don’t have a coach, who would help you with that, you can do it yourself. When you face a situation that is difficult, instead of calling it a “problem”, focusing on its difficulty, think of it as your challenge that you need to resolve. Only by asking yourself questions that will direct your mind to seek for the solution you will find the solution. Ask yourself questions that will make you look at the situation from another perspective. Some of the examples are:

  • If this situation is a Win/Win –  what’s in it for me?
  • What can I  appreciate about this situation?
  • What can I learn from this?
  • Having the situation the way it is, what would change it to a better?
  • Where is the solution to this?
  • If I see this situation as a challenge to myself… Maybe there is something for me to learn, improve some character traits or something else… What would that be?
  • What would be ideal outcome from this situation?
  • What needs to happen to have my desired outcome?
  • What possible options can I see that would make my situation better/improved/resolved?
  • If I decide have fun with this, what could I laugh about this situation?

 

Start appreciate difficult situations. They are there for a reason, and it depends only on you if you end it strong or the situation will overpower you. Problems either will break you or make you stronger. Which end result you like better?

Show those problems that YOU are stronger! 🙂

Be strong. Be determined and persistent. Be unstoppable.

 

 

 

 

 

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Link

http://www.ingalizdenyte.com

Learning from my experience, I firmly can say that it’s not what happens to us what determines our destiny, but how we respond to it and what we do about it. I learned that anything is possible, if we really want it, do whatever it takes to implement our dream and have unshakable faith. Challenges, obstacles and various problems are natural parts of our lives just as love, abundance and success. The question is how we handle those challenges and that’s what makes a difference. It’s essential to keep moving on, no matter how challenging it might be. We must not give up no matter how ​difficult or painful it might be.  Giving up does not need any talent or effort… It is sure an easier route, but where does it lead?

Only those, who refuse to give up and do whatever it takes to push through the challenges, celebrate the victory after all.

​* Do you have a vision or goals that you want to achieve? Maybe it even seems nearly impossible?:)

* Are you going through some challenges or obstacles that makes it difficult or even prevent you from moving forward in life/career?

* Have you experienced some life changing event and you need support in moving on, while dealing with the changes?

* Do you want to make a change and need some support in the decision-making process and in your journey making it happen?

​ I will be happy to coach you and support you in your journey.

​After losing my both legs and the use of my left arm, I was able to transform my life from not being able to speak, move or do anything to independently, to traveling from Europe to the United States on my own and building my live all over again. Today I live my dream that seemed just impossible.

​Connect with me Inga.Lizdenyte@gmail.com for your complimentary coaching session. Let’s see how you can implement your vision and achieve the desired result!

 

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It’s a choice

We don’t always have a choice of what happens in our lives. But we do have a choice what we do with it. Those, who know me well, hear a lot me saying that it is not what happens to us determines our destiny, but what we do with what happens. It’s a choice. A choice to give up thinking that you can’t handle it and a choice to fight for your life. A choice to be easily discouraged and a choice to persist. A choice to be pessimistic and a choice to find good things even in bad circumstances and hold on to unshakable faith that the best is still ahead. A choice to let it go once it gets tough and a choice to keep pushing it forward and make it work. It’s a choice. It’s a decision, which will determine what is going to happen next. Have a wonderful week!

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped” A. Robbins

 

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It can be critical for your results.

As I was editing my manuscript of Unstoppable, I was inspired to share with you one of the crucial details that made a huge difference in overcoming my challenging obstacles and goals that I needed to implement. It is having “I can” mindset and inner communication. Empowering inner communication or in other words Self-talk helped me to break through the most challenging times. When my circumstances seemed totally desperate, I said to myself “For me it looks impossible, but I know there is nothing impossible for God; He will create opportunity for me.” When I heard “You can’t do it”, my response was “Yes I can. Don’t tell me what I can and what I cannot do”. When people told me “It’s impossible”, my response was “I know it’s not going to be easy, but I will try and will do whatever it takes to make it happen”. When I faced difficulties that made my goal impossible and it seemed I had no strength to make another step, I would pull all my strength together and say to myself “Inga. You can do it. It’s not more than you can handle. With God’s help you will get through this and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel”. My self-communication empowered me greatly. I felt strong enough to take any pain and difficult situation, and I had unshakable faith that what I want CAN BE done. And that was my foundation, which was like a rock that I was standing on. I did not allow difficult circumstances to break me down. And then, I took consistent action, which moved me forward.

It is very important to be careful how we interpret events and what we say to ourselves, because it determines how we feel about the occurred circumstances and our ability to handle the situation. Can you feel the difference in how you feel when you say to yourself “Yes, I can do it and I will make it happen no matter what it takes for me to get there.” and “I can’t handle it. It’s too much for me. ” Would you agree that you are going to have different results in each of these situations? Sure, without a doubt.

It is critical to pay close attention to how you communicate to yourself certain events and circumstances, and whether or not you can handle it, because depending on that you will make decisions what you are going to do about the situation. Then, your decisions will be followed by your action or inaction. Automatically, your action (or inaction) will create following circumstances and ultimately it might even give the direction to your destiny.

Always remember, that various circumstances have no power over you and they can’t make you feel in a certain way unless you allow it. You are the one, who chooses what you think about and how you look at things. Learning to control your own thoughts and your focus is crucial because it determines your inner state, your following actions and finally your results.

Cheers! 😉

 

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It is not the event that has the power to determine your future…

I will never forget that beautiful sunny day, when I realized that if I do not like the way it is now – I can change it. Nothing – no accident, difficulties due to my changed physical condition, or any other problems – can determine how I feel and how I will continue my life journey. This is my life, and what it will be like depends on me, and not on other people, events or some occurred circumstances. Yes, the accident created those desperate circumstances, but I could change them by taking initiative and action that will create different circumstances. I don’t have to settle for the way it is, and I believe that with God’s help I am going to get out of this horrible place in my life.

That moment something happened within me. I felt strong and determined to change my life conditions. I had a strong desire to be connected with people, work, travel and be useful to others, and that moment I knew that this was exactly how I will live. Without any more waiting or hesitation I decided to take initiative and start making changes to get myself out of the dead-end. I was living in unbearable emotional pain for so long that I just could not stand it anymore. I hated my suddenly changed position and this endless pain so much that I was ready to do everything I could do to return to change it all. It did not matter to me how much work and efforts it would cost me. But I knew that I was not going to settle for “disabled lifestyle”. My decision and determination was absolutely non-negotiable. I clearly realized that nothing was going to just happen if I sit and do nothing to make it happen. I knew I had to take initiative in order to implement the vision I had for my life. If I am going to be idle – the circumstances will shape my life, and it was not going to be the life that I desired. So I identified what my goals were to move toward the vision and how I was going to reach them. And…I took action. I held the vision of how I want to live, and consistently worked toward my goal.

Today I literally live my dream that seemed nearly impossible. The goals and the standards that I set for myself transformed my life from not being able to do anything independently to travelling across the world by myself and building my life all over again in a foreign country. I do live a full active and meaningful life.

… And it all started that moment, when I realized that my further life does not really depend on the accident and its consequences, but on what I was going to do from that moment.

By writing about this I want to share this lesson and experience with you, who took the moment to read. It is not the event that has the power to determine your future, but what you are going to do about it. Know that you can change your current circumstances if you are not happy with it. Current circumstances were created by your own earlier made choices or some occurred events that you could not control. Same way, by making certain choices and taking action you can create different circumstances. Your life is in your hands, not in the hands of your circumstances. Your choice of what you are going to do about it from now on will determine your future events, and finally maybe even your destiny.

Do not allow the circumstances be in charge. YOU take charge of them and your life! Nothing is impossible for those, who have faith. It might look impossible, but with God all things are possible. God bless!! ♥

 

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Forget the past. It’s a new day. New opportunity.

It’s a new week. It’s a new day. With every new day we have a new opportunity to improve our circumstances, to grow and develop ourselves, to overcome the challenges and take another step forward.

Forget the past. Can you move forward by going backwards? Same way, you can’t move forward in life, if in your mind you keep going back to what had happened earlier. The past events now are only the facts that cannot be changed. It’s a history. Also, going back to them in your mind won’t make you feel better nor will it empower you. In fact, you make it only worse for yourself, because by constantly thinking about your unsuccessful attempt to accomplish something, people who hurt you or what you have lost, you re-live the pain over and over again. There was a moment in my life that completely got me out of deep depression. It was the moment when I realized that by thinking about things that were painful to me,  I was torturing myself. By constantly thinking about what I have lost and what I could not do any more, I lived in never ending emotional pain. I was my own worst enemy! I asked myself “Why do I do that to myself…?” That day I completely shifted my focus and my thought pattern into a different direction – into the future instead of my past, and That was the beginning of my new life.

Every day you have a new beginning. Your faith, empowering attitude and actions that you choose today can make a change. By focusing on what you have today (forget what you have lost or what you cannot do!) and how you can improve your circumstances can even change the direction of your life. If you did not succeed a year ago or yesterday doesn’t mean you won’t today or tomorrow. Your past events cannot determine how you feel nor can it determine your future, if you decide not to dwell on your past, but move forward creating the life you truly desire.

If you can’t let go the mistake that you have done or you can’t forgive yourself for making that choice, try to change your perspective about it. Mistakes are not the reason for you to feel bad about yourself or beat yourself up for making the wrong decision. We all do mistakes, and it’s a natural thing for everyone. Take past wrong choices or bad experiences as lessons what you could do better in the future. Simply ask yourself what you can learn from that, close that page and move on. Next time you will do better because you had the lesson.:) And meanwhile, make necessary conclusions, learn your lesson and take another step forward. We can’t move forward by making steps backwards, right? So don’t look back.  Turn your sight to the destination you are going, take a deep breath, smile, and open a new fresh page of your life. It’s a new day that the Lord has made! Have a wonderful week everyone!

 

 

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How we respond will determine what’s next

Happy Monday!:) We have another week ahead, and who knows what’s lying ahead of us, right? Life is like a cocktail that contains various situations. But whatever is ahead not necessarily have to determine our future. Today I want to share with you something that greatly impacted why my life has turned around from a nightmare into a sunny day 🙂 and what helps me to deal with obstacles as I go. Simply think of it this way: you always have a Choice what you are going to do about an event or situation that occurs in your life whatever situation might be. We cannot control outside events, but we can control how we look at it and what we do about it, and Yes it will greatly impact what’s next.

When you face a challenging situation, what do you do? Are you going to allow your fear and doubts to have control over you and make the decision for you OR are you going to look straight into fears eyes and step up forward anyway? Are you going to sit and complain about how bad it is and how hard it is for you OR are you ready to do what you need to do to overcome the obstacles that make your situation challenging? Are you going to give up when it gets really tough OR are you going to persist and go through it all until you reach your desired result? You are the one, who chooses the answer, and your choice will determine where you are going. Stay strong and make a choice that might not be the easy one, but will make you win. Have a great week!!

 

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